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remember.

10:58 pm - Saturday, February 7

out of boredom, i'm going to recount on an occasion that i think of when i think of certain emotions. [ thanks for the emotions, kids. ] :

jealousy
in primary school, i had this best friend. we did everything together, we told each other everything. i was always at her house, she was always at mine, you know, normal little girl stuff. i was always more privileged than she was in every way. her dad left her when she was young, she lived in a dodgy apartment next to some druggie, she drove a little car which was like 1398613986315 years old. everything of mine was bigger in quantity, better in quality and even then i was so, so jealous of her.
i was jealous of every aspect of her. everybody loved her, especially parents and teachers. she didn't have a lot of gadgets and gizmos but she had little trinkets and toys that i loved so much. i used to be quietly fascinated everytime i walked into her room. and she was so neat. all my stuff was carelessly strewn around my room but hers was so perfectly kept, like everything was a treasure. i wanted to be like that.
and her apartment was so magical to me it was like another land. we made a cubby house thing through this passage near the side of the garage. there were loose fences that we'd climb through, and we'd steal stones from the next apartment to help build our castle. around the other side of the apartment block was an abandoned toilet thing, she'd tell me how the rumour was, there was a zombie man living in there, and it was OUR job to get rid of him! and we'd mi crazy formula's of tree dew and rain water and drop it inside the door, then screech and run away. we'd slide down the railings of the apartment, we'd hand skipping rops from the second floor and play tarzan. it was the perfect childhood.
funny thing was, she was eternally jealous of me too. so when she cam to my house, she'd play with all my gadgets. she'd force us to sit and play computer games that she didn't have. take advantage of my 'fast' internet and be amazed at how 'cool' it was that i could just dump things on the floor. truth is i couldn't, i just couldn't be bothered.
i still want to be like her.

ecstatic
the first thing that springs into mind when i think of ecstacy is the drug. and then i laugh. but then i remember, that has nothing to do with me and my life so the second thing that springs to mind is panic at the disco. i know, i know, 'omg FANGIRL' but yeah, i kind of am. but anyway. i think the 16th August 2008 was the best day of my life. so far. as some of you may know, that's my birthday, and of course that was already a great day. my mum had given me panic at the disco tickets for my birthday since they were playing on the 22nd.
i went to check my emails, expecting the usual flow of wellwishings from cousins and friends. in amongst them i found an email from northern downpour - the panic fansite *grin* i opened i and jumped out of my seat. EARLY ENTRY! this meant i could get into the show a half an hour before the general public, and obtain front row mosh positioning. this was MAJOR. this was panic at the disco UPCLOSE. i could be SO close to them, i could SEE pimples.
after my little happy dance, i went on checking my emails. i saw ANOTHER northern downpour email. i thought maybe they'd doubled up or something and i clicked the email. i SCREAMED. i had just been informed that i was going to have a MEET AND GREET with MY FAVOURITE BAND. ok so, their music isn't my favourite, not really, never was. but THEY are my favourite band. it's like the difference between love and infatuation, i was INFATUATED with panic at the disco, and I, JOYEETA *mumbleslastname* was GOING TO MEET PANIC AT THE DISCO, IN PERSON. this is like TOUCHABLE DISTANCE. this is like, this is like. it's like meeting your idols. seriosuly. FOUR of them. and i got to get something SIGNED. authentically signed, signed in front of me.
and so the day came, and i brought along joanna and we waited patiently in the meet and greet line. we took some photos as we waited. and eventually. their infamous bodygaurd, zac, came around the corner. i became estatic and i waved like a maniac. he mocked me and waved like a maniac back. great first impression jo, now he'll never love you. hahahaha. but anyway, i'm not usually good with first impressions. so he led us into the room, 100 or so people, in a tiny tiny tiny rehearsal-like room thing. everyone was excited and anxious. some people were crying, and that scared me a little. but the moment finally came, and from behind me, four men i'd only ever seen on computer screen, tv pixels and magazine posters were suddenly there, smiling and waving and a 100 girls flailed. they were as nice as i'd hoped they'd be. at the signing table, i conversed with jon about his love of caramel and how he preffered it over most other things. the topic was brought up over the fact that my chosen fan gift was 4 karemello koalas. after that , i had a sudden pang of exxagurated respect for these guys. they go through this endless line of fangirls every show. but they keep smiling, they're just so, nice. or at least, they put on a good mask, because i know if i was one of them, i might just be sick of it all now. every girl, wanting to be noticed, wanting to me remembered, at least. and afterwardsm they posed with us for a picture. they were polite, [ he even put his arm around me *squeel* erm *regains dignity* ] and tolerant. so many photos they've had to take with fans everyday. then press photos, phtooshoots, random crazy candids. but anyway. that was it, that was, ecstacy for me.

anger
to be completed when more bored.

happy
to be completed when more bored.

victorchewy